You Know What Grinds My Gears?

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Published: February 15, 2012


With the football season over and 6 long months until we can begin to think about the 2012 edition, Rich and I did some brainstorming on ways to keep me involved on his site. Several factors were taken into consideration. Step #1 – I cannot BBQ, nor do I know anything about it other than I love to eat it. I don’t have the patience it takes to make top notch grilled products.  Therefore, much like Ron Paul winning the 2012 GOP nomination, having me as some kind of BBQ-related contributor on GWR isn’t going to happen. Step #2- I’m not a busy person but for some reason I don’t have a lot of free time. Wrap your heads around that one. Step #3 – As anyone who read my NFL stuff, I have a somewhat bitter and cynical view of many things. This often makes for a good rant. #4 – Combine steps 1-3 and allow the gears to grind.

For fans of FOX’s Family Guy, you’ve no doubt seen the episode where Peter is hired by the local news channel as an Andy Rooney-type of everyman who complains about things bothering him. Eventually Peter goes too far and gets fired in a magnificent and self-destructive way. Here’s looking forward to my own in a few short months. Until then, here’s a little more detail about what you’ll find under the Steve byline.

This new column is going to focus on is how guys handle certain situations, experiences, and other “guy stuff.” I should let it be known that in no way am I any sort of Tim Taylor-esque man’s man. I’m afraid of birds after all. I will write about TV shows, sex, politics, parenting and other items from a guy’s perspective. If you have something that “Grinds Your Gears,” post it in the comments section and I will see if I can fit into an upcoming column. You can also head over to Rich’s Facebook page to post it there and he will pass it along to me. If you think I wrote a great rant but missed something, feel free to add it in comments. We want the rants around here to be well thought-out and complete rants, not some half-assed whine that could have been so much more. 

If there was any more explanation, you’d think you were getting ready to take a test. Without further ado…

You know what really grinds my gears? Ted from the wildly popular, but not remotely funny TV show, How I Met Your Mother. First of all, he’s the ‘00s version of Ross from Friends, and as anyone who watched that show will tell you, Ross was a huge wet fart. Ted is no different. They have mono-syllabic names. They are professors. They have more talented co-stars. Hell, they even look the same.

This guy pines after every woman he meets.  He believes her to be the love of his life, only to find out she is not. My guess is if the series didn’t get renewed after Year 1 we’d all know who this sap ended up with. But I digress…I will admit I watched the show in its early years, but gave up quickly on it. Now it’s on every channel you turn to. Between this and The Big Bang Theory I can’t find a suitable re-run on TV these days. As such, I’m finding myself having to watch old episodes of The New Adventures of Old Christine and trying to convince myself they aren’t that bad. Well you know what? They are.

Back to Ted. This guy keeps holding out for the perfect girl and the perfect hallmark story to shape how they met and their relationship. This is a fine way to think…if you’re a 13 year old girl. This guy is in his mid-30s. Before he knows it, he’s going to hit menopause.

Speaking of getting older, another problem I have with Ted is how he can remember in vivid and excruciating detail every single thing that has ever happened to him. Name the girl, or a first date, or a passing glance, and he remembers it lock, stock, and barrel. How can this be? By the time dinner rolls around, I don’t remember things my wife told me in the morning and this wannabe-Romeo remembers the name of a random girl’s cat he met 12 years ago. This is not a reasonable portrayal of a person in his 30s.

Another maddening feature of Ted, and this show, is that Future Ted is narrated by Bob Saget. Present Ted is not played by Bob Saget. (Family Guy did a bit on this, but I can’t find it on YouTube) How many adult men do you know go through a second voice change in their late 40s to early 50s?  Unless there’s a snip involved, probably not too many.

I don’t know why this show, in particular this character, irritates me so much. I don’t even watch the show unless my wife has it on. It is very easy to avoid having Ted ruin my day. And yet there he is, whining and acting like the one man show of The Notebook, making me start a whole new collaboration on a BBQ site vilifying him.

Why don’t you tell your kids about that, Ted-Bob Saget. And that is what Grinds My Gears….

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